Denial is not a River Flowing Through Egypt

When it comes to mental health, teachers are limited in how to engage students who don’t have reliable support networks. They can recommend testing when a child displays recognizable symptoms of some disorder but ultimately, and for good measure, it is the parents/guardians (hereinafter, the word “parents” encompasses both titles) who render the final say. The problem is that far too many parents are in denial when seeking help for their children.

I am one of those educators who don’t just look at my students, I try to see all of who they are so that I know how to best prepare lessons and motivate my students. I had a student, Sarah (not real name), who from the first week of school showed signs of obsessive compulsive disorder and possible bi-polar attributes.  She was so critical of herself, and she wore her pain on her face. Her self-loathing was frightening not just to me but to other teachers as well.  Only when we did activities that she could confidently participate did some sunlight wash over her.  That’s when I noticed how she organized everything. Everything had to be precise or she would rip it up.  She drove the entire class crazy, especially when it came to group projects.

I spoke to the mother about Sarah’s behavior and she agreed that she too had concerns. However, the mother was reluctant to have her evaluated because Sarah was embarrassed and felt that she could overcome her issues independently. The mother yielded to her daughter’s whims while we teachers did everything that we could to prevent a catastrophe.  We pulled her aside and talked to her independently.  We encouraged her in class and gave her the support that we were legally permitted to give. Sarah made it to the end of the school year, but not without a roller coaster ride. Although she went through periods where she managed to control her negative talk and complete her work, there were some incidents of angry outbursts towards her classmates, extreme self-loathing and ripping up her assignments because one letter on the page was written in her words, “ugly.”

As an educator, this situation frustrated me so much because I knew how dangerous it was for this child to try and self-maintain when there were other solutions. Although the concept of mental health has taken a positive turn in recent years, there is still a lingering stigma, especially when it comes to children. Many parents automatically think their child is being singled out. This is most prevalent in parents of color who are aware of the historical factors that have disproportionately mislabeled Black and Brown students and placed them on unnecessary medication. This valid fear of overmedicating their child, some internalizations of self-blame, and the stigma of being discriminated against because of a mental health label, is what drives many parents to postpone what is obvious until it festers.

One way to mitigate this problem is if the school system did more to make parents aware of the free testing services provided. Parents need to know that just by having your child tested doesn’t mean the end of the world but, it could be the beginning of a step in the right direction towards their child’s health. Testing alone only determines whether your child has or at a minimum, shows early signs of certain disorders. This does not automatically mean that your child should be medicated or that they indeed have a mental health diagnosis. Parents forget about other therapeutic and holistic methods that can work depending on the diagnosis and if it’s caught early. Bottom line, a lot of heartache, time, unnecessary worries and wasted money can be avoided just by having your child tested. In Sarah’s case, I spoke to the school therapist about my concerns for Sarah and the therapist confirmed that my concerns were valid and that she should be tested. However, without parental consent, there was nothing that the therapist could do.

Parents need to know that sometimes loving your child means making hard decisions. Instead of giving Sarah the gift of therapy her mother purchased tangible items to pacify her. My only hope is that one day soon the mother takes her blinders off and seeks the help that her child truly needs.