We are all familiar with the physical expressions of being in-like with someone when we were in elementary school. It usually played out with the boy hitting the girl or being outright mean to her just to get her attention. To a watchful adult it is nothing more than a playful gesture called love taps. To a little girl who doesn’t understand it’s more like, “That boy makes me sick!” One day I was on the receiving end of some boy’s love taps that went too far.
I was in the 5th or 6th grade walking home from school with a female classmate, when two boys in our class came from behind us and flipped up our skirts. The boys exposed our panties and touched our butts. After we got over our shock and embarrassment, we did what most little girls would do in that situation; retaliate. We began to pummel them with our little fists. They tried to duck and dodge our punches which enraged us even more. That’s when I took my new plastic, clear book bag and began hurling it like a weapon. This made the boys run off. Later that evening I revealed to my mother how I broke yet another book bag (the 3rd in 2 months). My brother, overhearing the conversation, started calling me Thor as I typically used my book bag as a weapon against love tapping boys. As a punishment, my mother made me carry my books to school in plastic grocery bags for the rest of the school year.
The next day, my friend and I discussed how angry we were at those boys; me especially because of my broken book bag. Even though we kicked their butts, we wanted them to pay. As soon as we were able, we marched into the principal’s office and told him of our encounter. While we didn’t know exactly what the consequences would be, it was common knowledge among the school that he kept a paddle to correct wayward children. The boys were immediately called into the principal’s office and when they returned to class, they wouldn’t even look at us. To our delight, they never bothered us again.
If you think this was an inappropriate punishment, then you don’t understand the times in which this took place. It was around 1980 when almost every household across America believed in spanking. This was especially true within the black culture. Spanking was a way to garner respect in your household as well as adjusted a child’s behavior within the larger community. It was also a held belief that it kept many black children from going to jail.
Thankfully, these traditions have abated. Today, disciplining a child incorporates learning to speak differently to instill love instead of fear. In addition to changed attitudes towards parenting, corporal punishment laws have been instituted in most states to govern this area. So, the children of today are spared the discipline of our past.
Fast forward about 12 years from this incident. I was living with my nuclear family. My older brother brought a friend home who I recognized almost instantly. It was one of my former classmates from elementary school. After we exchanged warm greetings, he brought up how he used to have a crush on me until I caused him to be paddled by the principal. Instantly, I remembered he was one of the boys who love tapped me. Although I remembered the incident, I forgot which two boys were involved. He was hell bent on reminding me. Seeing how raw his feelings were for more than a decade, I gave a sincere apology. We settled our differences then reminisced for a while. Over the years he has become like family, even calling my mother to comfort her when she was ill.
This brings me to the adage, spare the rod and spoil the child. This biblical phrase was repeated time immemorial when it came to spanking children. Opinions changed in the1970’s when parents began to complain and prisoners invoked their eighth amendment rights against cruel and unusual punishment. As a result, many states instituted laws that regulated the amount of force that could be used to discipline.
Despite the new regulations, many schools across the nation managed to skirt around them. Some parents gave authority to teachers and administrators to spank their child. Others would come up to the school and do it themselves instead of waiting until the child came home. I can personally attest to witnessing a spanking or two by a parent directly in front of the class. The purpose was to embarrass the child into better behavior. It usually worked. Years later when corporal punishment mandates were stringently applied, some parents were designated a private area in the school to handle their discipline business. This was done so as not to implicate the school as a participant or witness. Thinking back on my incident I can see how both sides of the corporal punishment debate could have been fervently argued.
The Pros: 1. Those two young boys were taught to respect girls, a lesson to be carried into adulthood; 2. In a time when black women and black girls were utterly disrespected, the honor of my classmate and me were rightfully restored by an adult black male; 3. The boys were not arrested and authorities were not called to disrupt their homes; 4. It set a hierarchy of order and discipline in the school and within the community.
The Cons: 1. Another method of discipline could have been instilled that was less harsh; 2. Paddling the boys scarred them for life as evident by the confrontation with my brother’s friend; 3. It could have caused discord between the youth and adult figures which transferred into disrespect of all elders; 4. Making the boys apologize to us in front of the class would have set the example for others boys not to make the same mistake.
Overall, we can agree that students should not be spanked in school. For one reason, it can be too harsh, for another, it can be applied in a discriminatory manner against children of color, which has been documented. Similar arguments against harsh methods could be said for parental discipline. As we all know today’s children are more in tune with their feelings and express themselves differently than children of the past. In has been proven that talking with a child about their behavior can be highly effective.
While I still believe in spanking that is within reason, I also believe that it is not always the answer. Therefore, we must try to meet children at their level. This will decrease the possibility for bouts of depression and suicide that are soaring at alarming rates among the youth.
On a lighter note, after my encounter with my brother’s friend, I sat back later that evening and had a hearty laugh. Here was this muscular, steroid looking, grown man, chiding me because I kicked his butt as a kid, then caused him to get spanked by the principal. Boo hoo. Oh well, I bet he never pulled up another girl’s skirt after that incident. From my perspective, it was a lesson well learned.
* Rest in peace Mr. Charles McIlwain, the ultimate principal and community leader.
A Paige from my Book 