Knowing Your Self Worth

By: Paige Adams

There comes a moment in almost everyone’s life when someone tries to take advantage of them or that person treats them disrespectfully. It is moments like this when I recall the line from one of my favorite movies, “knowing your self worth.”  This phrase came from The Joy Luck Club, a movie that was adapted from the book written by Amy Tan.  It was spoken by a matriarch during a touching mother/daughter scene.  Throughout the movie, the daughter tries to prove to her mother that her husband is truly devoted and kind.  She did this because she knew her mother was critical of the way her husband made her split all household bills when he made considerably more money.  Although in denial, the daughter is irritated with her husband throughout the movie for the same reasons.

The pivotal moment comes when the mother is presented with a fur coat. It is the husband’s gift to his wife. The mother inspects the coat then sucks her teeth and says, “Short hair. Cheap.”  The daughter becomes furious and accuses her mother of always putting her down and questioning her choices.  The mother refutes this point and says, “You don’t know your own self worth.” This stuns the daughter because for the first time she feels her mother’s love and the need to teach her how to love herself.  At the end of the movie the daughter finds happiness with a new husband and children.

I was so taken by that scene in the movie that I decided to bestow that same pearl of wisdom on others, especially my female students. One day, after an incident between two students, I seized the moment to enlighten my class.  A male student called a female student the “b” word.  Immediately, I addressed his behavior. With my supervisor’s permission, a group of female students gathered for lunch in my class. I defined the word and the historical ugliness attached, (This was 2002, before the new wave of neutralizing words). Then I got to the part about not allowing anyone to address them in this manner.  I suggested that the best action would be to walk away or not acknowledge the person at all.  It is the next thing I said and the response that turned my entire speech upside down. 

I told the girls that it was important for them not to allow boys to call them the “b” word because their fathers would not address them in that manner. Therefore, they should not accept this behavior from the boys.  That is when a young lady sitting directly in front of me spoke up and said, “My father calls me a “b” all the time.” Then she proceeded to give examples.  Astonished, I did not know how to recover from this moment. Finally, I pulled myself together and said, “That is not acceptable,” and I apologized for his behavior. My message may not have had an immediate effect on this student or any of the others, but I felt it needed to be spoken if only to be compartmentalized and retrieved later. I quickly wrapped things up reminding them that they were princesses.

All children need to know they are loved and that starts at home.  It is then incumbent upon the village to further encourage and provide guidance. What children feel, what they receive, what they witness and what they experience outside the classroom, all play a role in their school life. Often, teachers are tasked with picking up the pieces but, this can be a slippery slope. Teachers must assess the situation and possible outcomes before acting. No teacher can do it all, it takes a community to give every student the tools for navigating life. 

Parents and guardians have the primary responsibility of trying to raise productive citizens. Despite what is happening around them, it should be the goal for parents/guardians to be that example for their child.  They need to be wary of instilling what might be irreversible damage just because they received the same treatment.  Give each child a fighting chance in this world by speaking to them with love.  Develop their self-esteem and teach them how to be good human beings so they will grow to know their own self worth.